Every leader says they don’t care about being liked, and most of them are lying, myself included. But when being liked and being trusted pull in different directions, trust is what I’m protecting.
I want the people I work with to like me, and I want them to be comfortable walking into my office and telling me I’m wrong. Both make the job easier. They just can’t decide what happens when a decision is going to make somebody mad.
That’s where trust gets tested. Did I listen? Did I get the facts I could reasonably get? Would I use the same standard if somebody else were sitting in front of me? Can I explain the decision, and am I willing to own it afterward?
Somebody can think I made the wrong call and still trust how I got there. An employee can leave my office pissed off and still believe I heard him out and didn’t change the rules because of who was involved. That’s a better outcome than keeping him happy by giving him the answer he wanted.
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I’ve never cared for leaders who feel the need to announce, “I’m not here to be liked,” like being difficult is proof they’re doing the job. Sometimes that’s just another way of saying they don’t want to listen.
Trust doesn’t require people to believe I’m always right, and I don’t need “yes men” around me pretending I am. I’ve always been skeptical of leaders who do. Too often, they were promoted before they were ready and never grew into the authority they were given, so they surround themselves with people who reassure them instead of people willing to challenge them.
Not chasing popularity doesn’t mean ignoring criticism. If several people I trust tell me I handled something badly, I want to hear it. Maybe they’re wrong. Maybe I explained it poorly. Maybe I missed something. Sometimes changing my mind is exactly what I should do.
I try to explain what I can, especially when a decision affects somebody directly. There are times I can’t share everything because of personnel, investigative, legal, or privacy limits. There are also times I just get something wrong. Owning that is part of the same deal.
Being liked is nice. I just don’t want it making the call.
